Whenever I have a really big argument or am upset about something, I prefer to channel the anger into organising something, or going for a walk by myself.
Yesterday at about eight in the night, I found myself walking along the rain drenched roads, splashing not so clean water onto my freshly laundered jeans. With the songs of 'Sivaji' playing in my ears and a brisk bounce in my step I managed to walk, or rather wear, most of my anger out.
The past few days have been a little affecting, to say the least. I have slowly built some semblance of order into my life where I find that I have a tight circle of friends where I am comfortable. And though old memories sometimes haunt me, I don't long for old times.
Break ups in relationships can bring out the bad and the good in people. I wont pretend that I haven't said a lot of things I didn't regret, and on reflection, I could have handled a lot of situations much better. But I also seem to have seized the opportunity to emerge stronger. I have been doing certain things for myself that I should have done a long time ago.
Sometimes I wonder 'what if' and if anything, at all, is permanent. People who I call friends, I expected them to permanent. But even that may not stand the test of time and trust. But once that bond is broken, it's hard to get it back. I realised that the hard way. And Im not yet ready to give that either. With a lot of unresolved matters, letting bygones be bygones would be apt. People move on. Personally, I don't think I have the strength again to place trust and love in a once soured relationship.
Ages ago, I made a mistake with a friend of mine. But it got sorted out well. Now I think something similar has happened to me..only I am on the receiving end. Full circle. Perhaps I don't have a right to be, but am quite hurt about it.
Its almost twelve. But all my belongings are superficially organised and I don't quite think I can go for a walk by myself right now....
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